It occurred to me, as I caught Caramia chewing used gum that she scraped off of the concrete at the public pool, that you all might be interested in hearing some of the other gross things my kids have done in their very short but germ-filled lives. Brace yourself: it’s gross. And there’s no pictures. Because what kind of mom would I be if I took pictures of that?
*Confession: I kinda wish I did have pictures.
*Warning: The following accounts are not for the faint of heart or germaphobe
*Disclaimer: Names have been withheld to protect their identity (sort of) and future embarrassment (yeah right!)
1. I had just finished cleaning the toilet and was putting away the supplies. I walked away for one minute and came back to discover a new-to-mobility baby SUCKING on the toilet bowl brush. The one that I just cleaned the toilet with.
2. We were on a road trip and had just taken a bathroom break in New York. Got back in the car and a certain baby was fussy for a few minutes before quieting down. About 10 minutes later I glance back to discover said baby CHEWING on an older sibling’s shoe that had apparently been offered up as a pacifier. The same shoe that was connected to the foot that was connected to the sibling who had just visited a PUBLIC RESTROOM IN THE CITY.
3. I was sweeping our garage with the ‘help’ of a cute little red-headed toddler (hint hint.) A pile of disgusting dirt was accumulating when I walked away for one minute to get the dust pan. When I got back, that cute little red-headed toddler was chewing on a straw that had been at the bottom of that dirt pile (which also contained dead bugs and even maggots.) I know, this is gross.
4. More times that I can count, I have found a child laying on the floor of a restaurant picking up crumbs…some ours, some from other diners. A few times, a certain little girl has laid belly-down to lick up a spilled drink or melted ice cream. And before you wonder what kind of show we’re running here, I assure you that this all happens very fast- as fast as it takes to get out of a booth and put on jackets. So we’re talking lightening speed here.
5. Rock salt. Yes, the chemical used to melt ice in the winter. Inevitably, as we walk to the YMCA in the winter mornings, a little hand just can’t refuse to scoop up a pile of what looks like rock candy and suck on it. The people who make rock candy are probably the same people who used to make candy cigarettes for kids…a conspiracy against kids’ health, no doubt.
6. Vehicles. No joke. I caught one of my adorable kids LICKING the entire length of a vehicle. Not ours, either. In a Target parking lot. Keepin’ it classy.
So there it is: the top-6 grossest things my kids have done. So far. I’d love to hear your encounters, if you dare.
*Bonus: I did manage to drum up one picture of a poopy finger-painting session.