20 Things I never thought I’d say pre-parenthood

1. Is that poop or chocolate?

2. Don’t put the glow stick in the light socket.

3. Don’t stand on the pet turtle.

4. Who got the baby out of the crib?

5. Where’s the baby??

6.  Why did you lock the baby outside???

7. No kicking your brother.  No strangling, either!

8. No, I’m afraid you can’t bring your t-ball stand to bed with you.  Or your hockey stick.

9. Don’t lick that sheep.

10. Get up off of the floor (public bathroom).

11. Please don’t chew on your shoe (post-public bathroom).

12. You may need a little alone time to calm down.  Please go to your bedroom and I’ll be up in 5 minutes so we can talk.

13. Fifteen minutes later: why are you in your bedroom?  Please come down.

14. Girls don’t have a penis.

15. Please don’t pee off the balcony.

16. I’m afraid there’s no toilet here at the park; you can pee behind that tree.

17. Please don’t pee in the tub.

18. There isn’t another rest stop for 15 miles; please just pee in this cup.

19. If you’re quiet for the rest of the drive, I’ll give you a marshmallow when we get home.

20. Where are all your clothes?

6 thoughts on “20 Things I never thought I’d say pre-parenthood

Add yours

  1. LOL!! LOL!! LOL!! I remember saying a couple of those things, but you have so many more! My statements were more like… you need to rest from talking for a little while.. rest from dancing…rest from laughting! You were a joy. Isn’t having children just the best!

    1. When I was an imaginary parent, I NEVER said these things to my (perfect, quiet, clean, obedient) children! Right? Glad we can laugh at it all!

  2. Today at lunch time I said, “No guns at the table!” to my boys. Granted they were rubber band guns, but I had to laugh at myself at the craziness of parenting after I said that.

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